If there was no little girl ~ there would be no pain

I have never felt ANY physical pain

that even comes close to the overwhelming shit that is inside of me.

Nothing compares!

And every night I wonder what it would feel like to feel safe.

Safe!

What does that even mean?

I wonder what it would feel like to get up in the morning and to FEEL alive

and not have to pretend to be alive.

I feel defeated and afraid.

And my body plays this cruel joke of breathing

living ~ when nothing else inside of me sees a reason too.
And if there is no little girl there is no pain.

That's what I need right now.

That’s what I want right now

She is way too much!

She is evil and poisonous.

And the only way to make it stop is for her to go away –

no matter what that takes

no matter what the consequences.
She will never know what it’s like to live without the feelings of fear.

She will never feel safe.