Friday, June 25, 2010

My fault

Earlier this week I heard that there was an employee in our office who had been arrested on suspicion of sexual assault on a child by one in a position of trust, sexual exploitation of a child and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He is 30. The minor is 14. I don’t know him – I don’t know her. I know only what the paper printed and the rumor mill around the office threw up. But it was enough. Enough to reaffirm my initial beliefs that society is still quite quick to point fingers at the *victims* of sexual assault and continue to make excuses for those who choose to assault and rape and victimize others. This fact has been painfully brought to my attention many times throughout the years, including a college class I took where we participated in a “blame the victim” exercise and more than half of the class admitted to blaming a woman for her rape because she was walking late at night, in the dark, wearing revealing clothing.


Friday, June 18, 2010

You could have saved me


“You could have saved me.” the little girl told Teddy as she looked at him with her sad little face. He knew her mother was going to hurt her. He KNEW! He could have saved her but he chose not too. And she died. He turned his back on her. He stood by and basically allowed her to die…while the little girl just gave up hope for any sort of rescue and just faded away…resigned to her fate in this world.
I watched that movie last weekend and when the little girl would repeatedly show up, telling her father that he could have saved her, and each time she would appear I could feel my breathing become more and more shallow and my eyes begin to sting with tears of sadness.  

LINK to post:  You could have saved me

Monday, June 7, 2010

Which came first?

I have a T appointment this afternoon. I was wondering if I could call in “sick” to that too. Do you think the therapist would believe that I’m sick, or think I am just trying to *avoid* something…like talking about last Friday night. Which, I’m totally NOT avoiding anything…because I am feeling sick. But then I’m wondering if I am feeling sick BECAUSE I want to avoid talking about Friday….
Link:  Which came first?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Temporary Home

Today I am trying to remember this is just my ”Temporary Home”…it’s not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I’m passing through…this is just a stop on the way to where I’m going – I’m not afraid because because I know – this is my Temporary Home.

continue reading:  Temporary Home

Depression SUX!

My dear friend:

If you were gone, it would leave a hole in the lives of many people, including me. You do matter! You are not replaceable! And if I were there with you right now I would hug you and tell you in person how much you mean to me. I would tell you how much I love you and if needed, CrazyBrain would make an appearance and threaten to hurt you. Because suicide is not an option. And if I have to stay alive in this hellhole then so do you. Yes, those are the rules. And if you were to commit suicide then I would become suicidal and you should keep in mind that I have a complete pharmacy at my very fingertips….full of sleeping pills and benzos and more. Things no CrazyBrain should have access too – but I do. I’m a danger to myself and so I need you here to support me when I feel like dying.
continue reading... Depression SUX!