Monday, August 17, 2009

God bless that child with the dirty face...she leaves the light on...

I walk around in the darkness at night.
I sit in the darkness at night.
I do this so I can stay hidden.

DT asks, "Hidden from what, Grace? Hidden from people outside the house or inside the house?"
Grace whispers, "Both."

Sometimes at night I wake up from a nightmare so sick to my stomach that I have to run to the bathroom to vomit. On my way back to bed, I pass the doorway that leads into the hall. DD's bathroom is at the end of the hallway. There's a plug-in air-freshener with a light right outside her bathroom. The bathroom door is open. I often see someone standing there. Sometimes I run back to bed and hide under the covers, sometimes I walk back and take another look to see if there's really someone there. But I never step out of my room. Fear keeps me from investigating further.

Bad things happen in the dark and yet there is no way to stay hidden in the light.
I'm caught in this paradoxical conundrum of which is less frightening: darkness or light.

DT says I should keep a light on.
I say I can only hide in the darkness.

DT says I don't need to hide now.

I say I do and DT does not know because she is not here with me when it's dark.

Tonight, DT says, "as they say in the Motel 6 commercials, "we'll leave the light on..."...if you get my gist."
Tonight, Grace says, "Motel 6? Gawd...can't I at least stay at the Courtyard or the Hampton? It's not like I'm asking for the Regent Beverly Wilshire on Rodeo Drive...but Motel 6?" I don't think they even paid there light bill this month!

And between you and me (ok, I've already said this to DT) that woman is cheap...


  1. Soo much to say iin such a short span of words.....

    Hold my hand as we walk through both the dark and light patches- we will see Motel 6's and Hampton's and Hyatt's. The point is that we will be facing the fear together hand in hand....

    Remember the dark and you were there with me.

    ouu gaveme the strength to open the door to the light.....

  2. JBR ~ Hugs back to you and many thanks for your *internet ears*. I'm sorry I have yet to comment on your previous comment - I intend to do so...and will.

    I remember those painful days (the darkness) - and I remember the happy days (the light) I shared with you those many years ago. I remember the hopes and the dreams we shared and I remember the tears and the pain, too.
    I remember how you carried yourself with such pride even in the pace of your own pain. I admired you so...I still do.
    You are not anonomous to me, you will always be a part of me, you will always carry a piece of my heart with you.
    I remember...