To clarify what I was asking, I said, “There are many times I look in the mirror at work, and I don’t recognize the woman looking back at me.” I don’t feel connected to her in any way. I KNOW it’s me, obviously, but I can’t feel her, I don’t recognize her. But it is undeniably Grace. I touch my face and I see the reflection touch her face, and I can feel that. But I still wonder if that is really what “I” look like."
I don’t have any ghastly feelings toward her, really, it’s quite the opposite. She’s an attractive confident woman, I like her smile and there is light in her blue eyes. That woman, the one I see in the mirror, she seems secure and self-assured…happy. The woman in the mirror is respected, she’s sharp and witty. I like her and others like her too. She seems so *alive*, she isn’t full of the pain and fear that I feel, so how can she be me?
DT said, “That part of you that is "alive" and confident and happy IS YOU. You are all and more of the qualities, emotions and experiences that you describe. Yes, some feel VERY painful and frightening, but the dark painful stuff, with light and space and "work", will slowly evolve into a part of you that is viewed with honor and benevolence.”
I still don’t *FEEL* connected to that woman looking into my eyes when I look into hers, I still wonder if she is me, and if she is, I wonder how I can be so ugly on the inside, and so beautiful on the outside.