Friday, August 7, 2009

I'm scared I'm going to die...she is going to kill me...

DT told me that I left her a voicemail that I was going to slit my throat.

It was late, on a Friday night, (Fridays are always bad for me...)

and she said she almost called 911.

I was shocked when she told me.
I don't remember calling her at all.
I don't remember leaving any messages.

It wasn't "me" who left that message.

The one who left the message for DT...she is the one who scares me.
She takes over when the pain becomes to much.
And I am afraid that she will kill us when she is in charge.
Because she doesn't see another way out of this pain, this hell.

I don't know how to stop her...
I don't know how to keep us safe when she's in charge.
And I am afraid.


  1. Gracie, I am so very sorry for the constant pain you all are feeling!!!!
    ((((Gracie))))) Safe hugs

  2. What I had to do with my T and my parts who are violent is make contracts with them. Thinking of you. Stay safe. (((((Gracie))))))

  3. JBR, thank you...I have moments of respite (thankfully) - and it isn't 24/7. I just wish it was more respite than pain. That would be good...

    Marj, how does that work? DT talked about contract last year but it was suddenly pushed to the wayside - I don't remember why, now.

    Superla, Thanks for thnking of me...wich all you got going on girl! Hope you have dug your way out of the flood.