If you don’t have respect for their strength you can’t be of any help. It’s a privilege that they let you in – there’s no reason they should trust you – none. You can’t know their terror – It’s your worst nightmare come true – a nightmare from which you can never awaken. It’s unrelenting. There has been no safety: no one, no time, no thing – all was tainted. Hope was obliterated – time and time again.
Friday, August 7, 2009
I'm scared I'm going to die...she is going to kill me...
DT told me that I left her a voicemail that I was going to slit my throat.
It was late, on a Friday night, (Fridays are always bad for me...)
and she said she almost called 911.
I was shocked when she told me.
I don't remember calling her at all.
I don't remember leaving any messages.
It wasn't "me" who left that message.
The one who left the message for DT...she is the one who scares me. She takes over when the pain becomes to much. And I am afraid that she will kill us when she is in charge. Because she doesn't see another way out of this pain, this hell.
I don't know how to stop her...
I don't know how to keep us safe when she's in charge. And I am afraid.