Sunday, August 23, 2009

My house, like my body is not "lived in" very often

DT mentioned to me last week that, judging (that's not really a fair word - she wasn't judging me - but it's been a long weekend, and I don't have the brain power left to think of another, more appropriate word tonight)....she said that judging from the photos of my house that I sent to her, it looks like no one actually lives in the house.

What she said popped into my conscious awareness many times this weekend, begging to be analyzed. What was the significance of what she said? My house doesn't looked 'lived in'...especially for someone who has kids. My house looks more like a show home, a model home, than a home a family lives in.

And it occurred to me that my house is a reflection of me. I mean, aside from the obvious...My body isn't really lived in either. My body, like my house, is a "model" of a woman I want to be...on the outside, there is no clutter, no baggage...nothing but expensive clothes, a pricey haircut, and carefully applied make-up. No one sees the structure of my body, the termite-ridden, broken down, non-reparable parts of this body.

From the outside, everyone would want to be me! DT says we will keep working at "keeping me in my body"...I still claim that this body is possessed and I don't want to live here...but I'll give her her props and say she doesn't stop trying to convince me otherwise.

Tonight, after everyone 'retired' to their bedrooms, I walked into the kitchen and noticed dinner dishes in the sink, and I thought, I'll just leave those dishes until later...And then I walked into the family room and noticed that a couple of the pillows had been thrown off of the couch and were on the floor, and I thought, I'll just leave those pillows on the floor, no worries....

But I could NOT do it! Much like walking out of the house without being dressed as the "model" woman...I could not sit down until the dishes were done, the counters wiped clean of fingerprints, and the pillows put into the appropriate spot on the couch.

Go figure...DT is a very insightful woman....

People live in my house...even though to those on the outside, it appears as though they do not.
People live in my body...even though to those on the outside, it appears as though they do not.

My house is a reflection of my body.

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