I can’t deal with this high maintenance little girl. She is unbelievable with her constant need for comfort and attention. No one likes her. No one has ever liked her. I sometimes think she stays around to punish me. “No one ever loved me…” Gee, wonder why? “DT cares about me…” Gee, cuz its her JOB maybe? “I’m scared. Please help me.” Um…how about a big fat NO! You think the rest of us aren’t “scared” Well, we are, but guess what? We suck it up and *deal with it*. Get it? Do I need to draw you a picture you stupid little brat?
And today it hit me…this kid carried around a flipping rock heart that DT gave her to borrow during her vacation. Are you kidding me? She carried around a rock in her pocket for the entire weekend! Never letting it out of her sight! She infuriates me with her dependence – and I want to cut her out of my body. And believe me, I’ve tried, many, many times, to no avail. I hurt her every night and she still won’t leave! She is STILL HERE! Whining…crying…annoying the hell out of everyone else.
I cannot stand her! I hate her – and there is NO WAY I will EVER *accept* or *embrace* her. What the hell? She needs DT to leave her a *transitional object* and she thinks this means DT “cares” because of this gesture!?!?!?!?
She whines and cries! She is such a baby! I hate her! We all hate her! Gawd! Why doesn’t she just go away! Next she’ll be walking around with her thumb in her mouth, wrapped in a blanket with a flipping teddy bear! Doesn’t she get it? She is DEAD! She’s been DEAD for a long time! She no longer exists!
GO AWAY! We HATE you!
Were she really dead, she would not be able to bother you. All of those hateful things you said to the girl in this post - someone taught you how to treat yourself like that because they treated you that way first. I think they are more deserving of hate than that poor girl is. That said, I REALLY understand the constant frustration of trying to have a life and feel halfway decent when the kid can't stop all the whining and crying. I've gotten angry and gone off on the child, too. I try to catch myself now. If I go too far it sets off all kinds of crap in here and it can hang me up for weeks.
ReplyDeleteI have a little girl I carry around, too. I've always seen her as grotesque, but I've been feeling differently toward her now that my daughter is her "age." My daughter does a lot of the same things that my girl does, and I'm able to love and embrace my daughter. (Even though she does trigger a lot of undeserved anger at times because she reminds me so much of the girl.)
ReplyDeleteIt's hard. I'm sorry.