Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Panic Room

I am now locked in the panic room. I tell myself I’m going to be okay ~ but I don’t think it’s true and I can’t make myself believe it. I am physically sick and panic-stricken. I sit here rocking and trying to breathe but I have this horrible feeling of dread and fretfulness deep inside me and I cannot shake it. A colony of termites has manifested deep inside of me and my exterminator is on vacation.

Although the sun is still shining outside, there is a dark cloud of fear hovering over me, the blackness engulfing me. And it’s a struggle. I’m on the verge of tears, I have no energy since I haven’t eaten in 3 days, my patience (what little I had) is currently on “E”, my head is pounding, someone has slashed my chest open and is squeezing my lungs making it difficult to breathe. I desperately want to see this pain externally, I want to see it. I want to watch the pain drain out of my body until I bleed dry.

I am locked inside the panic room tonight.

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