It hurts...this grief, this emptiness, this ache for what will never be...it hurts

It hurts...the pain is unbearable. It feels like someone has surgically removed my heart and they forgot to sew me back up, they forgot to put me back together.
It's like this unbearable grief, this emptiness inside of me.
It's as though someone very close to me as died.
It's like this huge longing for something that will never be...it hurts...it hurts so much.
And I cannot stop crying from the ache.
I don't know how to get past it.
I don't know if I can.
I don't know if it's possible.
It hurts
It hurts so much to have this aching need that will never be real.

And I sit here, moving around, unable to find a comfortable position to have some relief from the constant pain in my entire pelvis which burns and aches and strains...I've tried stretching, yoga, lying straight, on my side...I've used heating pads and ice...but nothing seems to work.

I've been keeping DT's rock heart on my own heart thinking it can somehow bring me this healing energy...help put me back together. All these broken pieces of Grace.

I miss DT tonight. I miss her safety, and her comfort...she makes us feel safe. I need that tonight. I need her to comfort me tonight. It hurts so much. It hurts...