It's not that I lie to you ~ it's more of a sinful omission

I don't "LIE" to DT, but I do purposely leave out information (that perhaps she might deem important in this "process") out of fear.

DT and I talked about this on Monday. I do withhold information about some of the night time coping activities that take place...but I do it out of fear. Fear that she will make me go to some unhelpful class (DBT/CBT) that actually does more harm than good, or slap my ass in the hospital. This discussion was started by her when she said, "Grace, I didn't receive emails from you this past weekend."

Well, that's because I'm trying to be a good girl, DT. So you don't get mad.

I reminded her of the past and how she DID make me go to DBT, tell me we needed to "explore" the hospital (yeah - a grand tour that ends with one of us (her leaving) and the other staying to be "explored"), or that I am too reliant on email communication. I can't forget this, especially the angry teenager. And she reminds the rest of us of this past communication on a regular basis. And this leads to (perhaps/maybe/how do I know) important information being omitted by Grace. React out of fear.

DT, here are your reminders, your words, leading to my reservations of being "honest" about certain things:
** I also insist that we develop some ways for you to get your SI/cutting in control and Alcohol consumption eliminated. This is paramount.
** DBT skills training could be of great use to you .
** DBT is important and a critical place for attention to be focused in terms of making progress and creating greater stabilization of the most troubling persistent "urges".
** I ask that you study the DBT material and make a point of setting daily goals/tasks of practicing certain elements of the "modules".
** This is basic and critical DBT strategies...
** ...more focused structure and attention to the application of DBT skills
** DBT training is the wisest decision at this point
** Try to remember the info I gave you…distraction skills (DBT skills and info). These are important for when you are flooded by negative emotions.
** Acting out your anger in a manner that is very dangerous to you will cause me to have to take measures I dont think really needs to occur. If you are so distraught that you want to take actions that could have potentially life threatening consequences then you must go to the ER.
** I NEVER want to exercise the decision to hospitalize someone against their will because it is the ultimate in disempowerment. If someone becomes so disabled and unstable by their mental and emotional state, then I have to take action. This is never a punishment, though I realize that often people resent it greatly.
** If you are suicidal, then i will need to assess your suicide risk and take measures. ....
** It is either this, or we explore the hospital.

The above examples are why I omit information.
If I told you that last Wednesday I cut my wrist a millimeter away from the radial artery...the entire time a booming voice telling me to move just a little to the right. If I told you that, what would you do?

Yeah, I know what would happen, and that's why I didn't tell you.