Monday, October 12, 2009

Young Lady, you WILL contain it until "I" can deal with it!

"I'm sure you would tell that to your 16 year old daughter"

Yeah, you’re right. If I had communicated to my 16 year old daughter that she could tell me anything and I would never judge her - and she came to me about sex - instead of addressing it head on, I’d INSIST that she throw her 16 year old sexual urges inside the bucket marked, of course, “16 Year old sexual urges” because I am not at a point in my life where I can handle them. Surely my boundaries would only strengthen our relationship.

And then if she got pregnant or caught an STD because I was unable to help her sort out her overwhelming emotional and physical feelings about sex, I would tell her that she’ll now have to deal with the consequences on her own since she didn’t listen to me and ‘contain’ her feelings, and instead ‘acted’ on them.

I would certainly not take any responsibility because I was not at a point where I could hear her cries of confusion and distress and I explained that to her and she refused to put her hormones and feelings in the damn sex bucket!

Or, better yet, I’ll have her sign a “No Sex till I’m married” contract. That will ensure she chooses ‘chastity’, and if she does choose to have sex, at least I did the best I could to prevent it. I mean, I can’t be with her all the time.That’s definitely better than working through her feelings, helping her and not judging her…if she puts it in the bucket and slaps a lid on it – it was all just go away…And I’ll just have to “trust” that she will “honor” the fact that I am her mother and continue to be honest with me…even though she is now afraid that I cannot handle her feelings.

And if she refused to be honest with me, even though she no longer trusts me, I would just consider that "mother/daughter interfering behavior" give her the time to work through her feelings on her own, and then give me a call....and "we'll leave it at that".

Yeah - I can see containment and contracts are best. That way I can pretend not to be aware of any of my daughter's feelings, thoughts, behaviors, or really, HER.

Dang! I had no idea DBT would work for that too!!!! Talk about your multi-purpose cleaning supplies! I'd better start working on that bucket ~ she'll be 16 in 8 years!

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