Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'd like to drop kick that stupid rabbit and his horse friend into MY "present moment"

I think the Velveteen Rabbit is a nonsensical book. I had never read the book…not a huge “fairy tale” fan…as you can imagine. But then a fre years ago, the therapist gave me a homework assignment: Read the Velveteen Rabbit and focus on becoming “real”

There are many definitions of the word “real”…in reminiscing about the “real” conversation in DT’s office, I think the following definitions are the most relevant to the concept of ‘realness’ as she was relating it to me.
~ Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence.
~ True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal
~ Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious
~ Being no less than what is stated; worthy of the name
~ Free of pretense, falsehood, or affectation

Well I was confused by her statement and homework assignment. Was she saying I wasn’t ‘real’? I didn’t really exist? After leaving her office I went straight to the internet and read the story. As typical of children’s fairy tales, I wasn’t impressed. But putting on my intellectual hat I was determined to figure out what message the therapist was trying to convey to me…

Being real hurt?
Being real is something that “happens” to you when somebody REALLY loves you?
It takes a long time to become real? And you’ll know you’re real because you look like shit?
Once you become ‘real’ ~ you’re always real?

~ Cynical Grace steps into the room~

I don’t believe in fairy tales. There’s no fairy godmother, there’s no cabin of dwarves in the woods who will save you when your evil mother tries to kill you. There’s no such thing as a prince on a white horse and let me tell you, honey, ain’t nobody going to ‘rescue’ you…ever. In fact, I do not believe there is a “happily ever after’.

3 Years "post" Velveteen Rabbit" I still have a few questions...
Am I “REAL” now, Doctor Therapist?
Am I real now that I’ve once again been contaminated by the past and retraumatized and thrown into a paper bag to be burned with all the other trash?
Am I real now that I hurt?
Am I real now that I can cut my own skin and SEE blood?
Does that make me real?
Am I real now that I can be hurt by other people and feel pain?

Tell me, please... AM I REAL NOW?

I’d really like to drop kick the Skin Horse (who is always ‘honest’) into MY present moment!

If this is being ‘real’ then being real sucks!

And the Velveteen Rabbit can kiss my clumsy, entertaining, dissociative, cynical, fake ass with his “realness”!

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