As a kid I had recurrent UTI/kidney infections for years. Then, much like the "doctors" now, the doctors chose only to focus on the problem presenting itself, rather than looking for the *cause* of the recurrent kidney infections (treat the symptoms, not the problem) and I was given high doses of antibiotics over and over again...for years. The antibiotics would cure the kidney infection - but the real problem (a child's body is not really meant to be fucked) never went away, so the kidney infections would come back, and then more antibiotics...you can see the cycle of how that played out...
Those of you who were treated with high doses of antibiotics as a kid know that when your teeth become discolored from the drugs, you cannot just 'bleach' them white again. So when earned enough money I got veneers on my 4 front teeth.
In the past year, I have chipped the same veneer 3x...most recently this morning, with a tooth brush! Each time I have the veneer repaired my dentist says to me, "Grace, you know I can 'patch' it, but there's no guarantee since it isn't bonded to a tooth now. Eventually, you will have to have them replaced." The first time he fixed it it lasted a year. Second time...a month. So now I have to go back AGAIN to get my tooth fixed. Each time he fixes my tooth I pay out of pocket, and now I have to pay a fortune to have my veneers replactd ~ and 3 more trips to the dentist which is horribly triggering for me. Pass the benzos!
I was wondering of the Marsha-POD-Therapists would prefer that I throw my chipped tooth in the bucket since it's causing me anxiety, cutting my upper lip (is that considered self-injury?), making me self-conscious so I want to retreat, and physically causing me pain...any or all of which might "amp" up and then I'll be the borderline emotionally disregulated adult acting like a defiant child who feels a sense of entitlement to be heard!
And that would not be good, since really, no one wants to hear about the LIFE LONG side effects of being FUCKED when you are 5 years old ~ physical, psychological, emotional, and financial...do not talk about any of it ~ it all has it's appropriate bucket).
THEN: If we treat the kidney infection and alleviate those "symptoms" we do not have to face what the real problem is - she's a 5 year old being fucked - because that is not something we, the physician's can *deal with*.
PLAN OF TREATMENT: frequent doses of high MG antibiotics.
LONG TERM EFFECT: fucked up teeth
NOW: If we have her 'contain' her feelings, and not talk about them, and we can drug her up so she can no longer feel anything at all...then we have managed the "symptoms"...but if we actually try to *hear* and help her work through the disgusting, revolting, unspeakable filth of her past, then we, the "doctors" will be traumatized by HER past and we cannot have that.
PLAN OF TREATMENT: Shut up & Behave ~ Shut up & Drug UP!
LONG TERM EFFECT: retraumatized by being told to shut up by someone she was supposed to trust. Feelings of aloneness and badness reinstalled into frontal lobe. Trust no longer possible.
Now i have to go stand in line for a GD TOOTH BUCKET!