Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I have Vuja De right now!

I have a feeling I'm doing it wrong all over again!!!!

Would you ALL go to bed already! 
I don't feel well and I need to be by myself so I can fall apart!

This evening is dragging ON AND ON AND ON!!! 
And I desperately need DH and the children to go to bed because I am going to cry & possibly scream and definately puke - and I cannot do it in front of anyone! 
This is one of those - "I need to hurt myself so the pain will go away" kind of nights....

...Hand me the bloody bucket!

I feel better now that I've given up hope.


  1. I need my family to go to bed, too. Same reasons.

  2. yeah...what's done in the dark stays in the dark. Always has...always will. I used to reach out to the therapist when it would get to be too much - like tonight - but I am now learning to just "handle it" again...just like I did when I was 5 years old. Hard realization to 're-learn' - but I guess a necessary one.
    10 minutes till alone time...let the party begin (some party - wish I wasn't on the guest list...)

  3. oh! I meant to add FUCK SHIT and GOD DAMN I HATE NIGHTS LIKE THIS!

  4. I don't want to be on my guest list, either. Oddly, I am and am not at the same time.

  5. Its so so sad. Far too many really good people continue in suffering for a past they had no responsibility for. Wish to God whoever She is, that those good people could unite and be toghether in their bravery and suffering and beauty and those nasty fucks who caused things swap things around and live in both hells for a while. Is that a curse, and have I sinned, wll fuck it.