I may have said something about needing to see her, I really don't remember what I said exactly, but she then said, "Grace, you have a sense of entitlement and I cannot always accomodate you when you need to meet."
It really hurt my feelings because I have NEVER EVER asked for a 'handout'... and things like what she said - that's why I don't reach out to anyone for help. Because I don't deserve help and if I ask for help then I am a smug little spoiled brat. And I don't understand why she would say she "cares" and will "be patient" and then she says that. Although I felt self destructive last night, after that conversaion, I didn't need to cut myself...I felt like she did it for me...and it was sufficient punishment for the night.
"Go write that down in your book and tell Granny, Grace." He used to say that to me all the time. He told me I thought I was better than everyone else and that I would find out that I was really nothing. My sense of *entitlement* and *conceit* must have started way before I was aware of it...I am aware now, though.
Yeah, I'm a spoiled brat.
I spent the rest of the night replaying what she said in my head, licking my wounds while I hid in the laundry room
"Grace, you are such a stupid selfish bitch! You don't deserve her help so stop even asking! You are BROKEN and no one will ever be able to help you put yourself back together again. Did you hear me, Grace? You are a stupid selfish bitch! You are a STUPID SELFISH BITCH!"