Hi, I'm Grace ~ I am married with 2 children, 1 boy, 1 girl ~ in that order. I'm a dog person...I like cats but the hus is allergic. My favorite color is pink and I am a taurus (which should alert you to my tendency toward stubbornness). I prefer down pillows and lots of 'em! I am intelligent and creative...and very independent. I tend to be overprotective of my children - my son calls it my 'worry meter', but they mean everything to me and I want to protect them. I love to sing, out loud, especially in the car. I have never been out of the United States but would love to go to Greece someday. I love the musical Phantom of the Opera and have seen it live... I hate onions and hominy and pretty much all meat - and right now my favorite food is cheese quesadillas. Every night I sing "Baby Mine" to my daughter when I tuck her into bed. I have a past, everyone does, right? But I don't talk about anything that happened before college, and not much until age 23.
I've been in therapy before - many times before. But I have this incredibly hard exterior that has never been penetrated by a 'professional'. Not one. Some therapists have told me I have a lot of anger...depression - in college - one therapist told me after 3 sessions that I was fine and she didn't even know why I was there ~ and that was after I told her I had seriously considered killing myself in the shower with a razor...I was 19.
I don't know why I'm here today. Well, I do, but I can't talk about it.
I have major trust issues ~ I'm hypervigilent and always on guard and I will search for reasons not to trust you. If you hurt me I will pull away from you ~ and I won't let you back in. I would like to ask you if you can help me, that's why I called but because I cannot trust you I can't really tell you anything right now...but I really need to know if you can help me...because if I can't find someone to help me I don't know what will happen to me but I do know that I can't do this alone anymore.
But I can't tell you that. Because I don't know you....I don't trust you...I will not let you see the weak and frightened Grace. I cannot take the lid off of the box that contains the first 14 years of my life because it will all spill out and I am afraid I won't be able to to put it back in...and it is scary, and ugly, and shameful, and bad. It's very bad. And I can't talk about it.
But I really need to know if you can help me...