It feels as though I am constantly fighting against the winds of fear and paranoia so I try to avoid the peaks by taking sleeping pills and going to bed. The darkness still invades my sleep but the more medicated I am the less I remember any dreams. I don't know what happened to me. I had gotten myself to a point where I could actually function most days. I had nights when I wasn’t in dreadful pain, or weighed down by the fear and panic. But now I have that gut-wrenching feeling again, the one where you feel like the bottom drops out from underneath your feet and your heart is racing and your stomach is in your throat. I cannot get warm or comfortable, in spite of the down comforters and pillows and the giant golden retriever I surround myself with.
And I’m really tired.