Phantoms of the past rule my nights and control my reactions. Most nights I don’t know who I am…I am blind to me and I grope around in the darkness of the too familiar territory. There is no light switch, no flame flickering from a candle, no star to guide me through. I find no validation, or understanding, or compassion here ~ those feelings are all indefinable for the cretin that is me, the creature who was crushed long ago by predators and demons. Beliefs of badness were branded into my soul, painting me in shades of pain and terror. Each night I once again walk through the hallways of the past, once again, before me are the gaping holes of pain splattered in blood scrawled in hate, cries echo and pain hisses as I am guided deeper into the source. There is continuous shifting in the rubble of pain that was me ~ it is still alive in me ~ intent on impeding progress, the pain moans and growls. There is no relief. Hope and trust were obliterated time and time again…hopelessness has snuffed out what little light had remained.
I'm sorry you are in such a dark and scary place. I want to pick that little girl up and bring her somewhere safe and clean and loving.
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Powerful words and the collage is so full of meaning excellent work...
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