Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Walk With Me...see my shame and sadness, witness my hopes and dreams

Come and walk with me!
I take your hand and allow you to push open the heavy, creaking door to my thoughts.
Together we pause at the vast emptiness before us, creaking dreams beneath our feet, memories and beliefs casting shadows on the vast walls.
We move cautiously inside the entrance, tread carefully on my forgotten memories and dreams, their hold on me lost through time.
Please ignore the twitching corpses and further explore darkened, hidden, cobwebbed corners.
Gliding through the room, I pull you down, ducking as another thought flies through the air hitting the opposite wall with a loud *splat*~ then landing in the pile of screaming thoughts below, where they stay, awaiting the inevitable time when they will either be dismissed or built upon.
Allow me to guide you through the room, dodging the memories best forgotten, notice the shame and fear apparent on my face as we view them together.
Take a moment to scan the dark room, breathe in the fresh hopes and dreams; their bright bodies hung carefully on the sun drenched walls, waiting for the eventual time when they will be realized or floored.
Their hopes shimmer in vivid brilliance to the limited few who are trusted enough to view them. Laugh as you catch glimpses of the insane images before you, cry at those of more morbid times. Feel yourself being dragged into the moment, your sleeve being tugged at by a crying child.
And in the blink of an eye that same child scrambles over to you.
Pull yourself back into the present, realizing the child before you is me.
Explore the room further, try to avoid the tear filled pool, where all tears are recorded and verified at being shed~wept through time.
Stop and hover at the shrine of the memories of my life.
Images and clips are projected throughout me and are now available for your viewing.
Notice how the salty pool of tears deepens while you witness me recounting the losses, the pain.
As we walk further into the room, journeying through time, moving closer and closer to the present~remember to observe the moments and memories of time, suspended in mid-air, burning in a golden light.
Now witness the smugness~ the only part of my mind visable now, its golden beauty being cast throughout my body, washing me in an aura-like glow.
The warmth of the complacency keeps me sane, urging thoughts to be formed, its magnetism pulling words from the neglected pile and painting them into pictures, parading them in the room until they are given attention and brought to life.
As we move toward the door, look over your shoulder at what you have witnessed, the room now a hub of excitement, never before viewed by anyone.
The air think with scents of raw emotion, its nakedness daunting and yet liberating.
Its shadow and mediocre existence no longer locked away but instead~camouflaged in an attitude and personality of an unexpected level.
Pursued by many, their relentless banging, wasted energy, their persistence jamming the door further, while the rusted lock twists tighter and tighter, until the eventual breaking of the lock, shattering all ties with the pursuer.
We step over the threshold, out of the house and into the sun.
I close the heavy doors to the my thoughts, and replace the rusted lock on my soul.
I glance over at you and you catch my gaze.
You nod your head at me and reach out your hand.
I am unable to reach for you~ I don't believe in myself, I don't love myself.
But I hope that eventually I will find peace from the inner turmoil that has me vice grip, tightening with each passing day.
I look at you with desperation in my eyes, longing to believe the wisdom you speak is "truth".

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