Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Interpretation.....

Dear Crazy Patient,

Even though I recognize that you ‘appear’ to be doing better emotionally, you obviously can’t control your emotions and still fly off in uncontrolled, and unnecessary anger, about a trivial ‘situation’ that occurs~ like the experience yesterday in DBT. Remember when I accidentally scheduled you back to back with someone you work with? This one is no different. You need to emotionally regulate about this. I will not admit or acknowledge that I told someone else that you were in the class; they obviously lied to you because I would never betray your "trust". (You forgot about the email address thing by now, right?) It’s not important anyway. Grow up! Eventually you will just need to accept that your past is shameful and everyone will find out sooner or later. Who cares! You really need to get over it.

I *hear* that you were distressed last night, when you sent the email, however, I have told you that I will not respond to emails that I feel are better addressed in session– I know email feels ‘safer’ to you, and you’re unable to confront things face to face with me (well, until recently). I have told you that if you are in a distressing situation, you need to call me, not send me an email because it is a better way for ME to ‘assess’ just how ‘emotionally disregulated’ you are. You know my position around this, it is not a good way to communicate important issues that arise; such as my lying to you, keeping another client’s ‘confidentiality’ and yet not really giving a flying f*** about yours. And what you perceived as a crisis was clearly a misunderstanding on YOUR part, and did not warrant 10 emails and a phone call~ your needy, selfish, intrusions impede on my busy schedule. MY time – your time is on Thursdays at noon – are we clear on that?

Boundaries are set by me and are to be respected by you. But keep in mind, they may change, and I may not communicate the changes to you, but as always, "I have my reasons". Of course you're expected to know what they are even if I don't tell you. Do not call me if it is not an emergency. Do not email something to me that must be talked about in session, if it’s something you feel is important write it down and bring it to 'session' - if I think it's important, we'll talk about it. I recognize that you OBVIOUSLY need me because you keep coming back. And I am in control of this process not you. You think you’re so smart, doing all of your research, trying to figure out what makes you ‘tick’ and how to help yourself. And you think you have it all figured out…you’re feeling so much better. But we both know that you’ll crash again, and you’ll expect me to be here for you, your personal punching bag – and frankly, I’m a little tired of it! I will tell you what I want you to know, and you will hear it only when I want to say it. If I can’t find a way to say it, then it doesn’t need to be said. I don’t care how important it may seem to you, nor do I care about your stupid ‘healing’ writing or seemingly new emotional clarity you have. How dare you try to project your feelings, and your irrational fears onto me!

I’ve tried to be nice to you. I have coddled you, listen to your whining, crying, sobbing, yelling, screaming, and your temper tantrums and uncontrollable anger, ‘threats of suicide’ and emailing me pictures after you carve yourself up. (Which, by the way, is the craziest thing I have ever dealt with!). For 3 years I have tried to like you but god-damn you have worn me out! Sucked the life right out of me – I have nothing left to offer – and it’s really your fault. Do you not think I have my own life? Are you so narcissistic that you think my life revolves around you, or that I am obligated to do anything other than show up and listen to your pitiful, whininess every Thurs at noon? Because I’m not. If you’re distressed, phone a friend! If you’re suicidal or self injuring, go to the hospital! Don’t call me! If you could have kept your behavior under control – maybe I could have accepted you. But you didn’t – which is completely your fault -so live with the consequences. I respect some clients, but not others….that’s the way of the world. Life isn’t fair – you should know that by now!

And truly I think you’re overly dramatic. Give me a break! You wallow in self pity and think that your past is that bad? I know tons of people who had it much worse than you! Get Over It! Your pathological emotion has no basis in reality – and therefore your anger should be instantly invalidated and dismissed; or not acknowledged at all (hence the fact that I ignore your stupid ranting emails where you go on and on about something minute and trivial…Fuck! My hang nail hurts worse than you do! You’re such a pain in the ass! I mean, I appreciate your telling me that I helped you – but I don’t think you gave me just due for all I did. For all the time and energy I spent – the emails, the encouraging words, the books, the recordings, the necklace, the after hours phone calls, the cds…. You should thank me for keeping you alive! God, you are such and ungrateful little bitch! I thought the DBT would help but apparently you really are a hopeless case.

I have told you a million times that you must understand that there are protocols that will be followed. Boundaries that will be respected and decisions I make that will be enforced. And if you don’t like it too bad! I am the boss here, the authority figure, and so you will treat me as such and you will respect me! Frankly I think you feel slighted by your childhood, and now you expect special favors, well, honey, let me tell you, everyone’s childhood is fucked up, it ain’t just you. Plenty of little girls out there being fucked by their fathers while no one cares, and everyone turns their heads. It’s not that we don’t see it – it’s just that we know in 20 or 30 years, those women will be in therapy and psych hospitals and the MHP will make millions of dollars! Ans if we are even show the tiniest sense of empathy or care, they bow down and kiss our feet with gratitude because they know they don’t deserve it. So we giveth and we taketh away…

If you want to talk about ‘our therapeutic relationship’ and your irrationalities and distorted views with respect to it, please show up, at noon, on Thurs, be on time, exhibit NO “therapy interfering behavior” – come emotionally regulated (Cause if you cry in my office one more time, I’m seriously going to puke! – newsflash – you’re an adult, not a 2 year old) Or as Prince would say, “Act your age, not your shoe size.”

Please try to have a nice evening and avoid the borderline "tendencies" you sometimes slip into…it’s really not a likable. Keep it up and you’ll just end up alone. Alone...no friends, no family. like a bum! A lonely, troubled, angry, bipolar, bpd, ptsd, emotionally disregulated bum! Get it? Got it? Good! Now go take an ativan or two and STFU!!!!!! Oh! And see you Thursday at noon. I'll be at the door at noon sharp, either smiling, or looking at you with my eyes *sad* so you think I'm distraught about the status of our relationship.

Dear Therapist

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