Thursday, March 19, 2009

Memories.... of how DT used to "be here" for me....

Memories.....light the corners of my mind..... This is how DT used to react to my pain. I miss her…I should look at this and reread every night – except that I can’t - I'm too full of *hate* for the "now" and too full of *sadness* for the "then"
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Sweet Grace,
I am so sorry for you pain and sadness. If you were my little girl I would surely hold you, sing to you, give you medicine and whatever we figured might help. As horribly painful as all this feeling of processing of grief, anger, fear, etc., I would be there next to you comforting you and I will continue to do what I can.

Please understand that when you email me, there is a great likelihood that I will not be able "to hear you". Of course, you can also try calling, if for no other reason that to know that I know that you are in pain and that I care.

I understand that a lot of your anger is not ALL about me. Maybe some of it is, justifiably so at times. But, you are in the middle of a giant, long term test of me and others on whom you might have some trust.

You do understand enough right now. It is not an intellectual pursuit at this point. Trust in your goodness and the validity of the little girls pain and sadness. Trust that you are going to do a better job of being a mommy to her then your own biological "mother". I am here and please take the things I have given you in my heart, voice and tangibleness and comfort the little girl as I would try too.

~Dear Therapist
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That was in September of 2008

Tell me, how would you “comfort” the little girl NOW, DT?Tell her to *HOLD* all her pain and sickness and you’ll get back with her on Wed at noon?HAHAHAHAHA!!! ON the *trust* comment you state above… I would give you an *A* for the short term test, but definitely and an *F* for the long term test of Trust. I will never trust anyone again. Hey- did my mother call you and give you advice on how to treat me? Just curious... because your “treatment plan” is very similar to hers.

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