Friday, November 13, 2009

Wake me up when it's over...when he's gone away and taken everything, wake me up

Nother Friday night...another storm rolling in....

I’m not much of a present moment thinker…and I am not ready to face another Friday night! I am not ready for another weekend; especially one that includes snow and sub-zero weather. Thinking about another Friday night is like looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. I’m just waiting for the bullets to come….waiting for all of the pain to start once again ravaging my body. Im too tired. I don’t want it to be Friday.

I hate Fridays! I hate how I cannot sleep and sometimes that horrible torturous girl inside of me makes me relive it…I hate how my mind goes fuzzy and I can’t focus or concentrate or stay in my body. I hate how I wake up in front of the TV terrorized by some scary movie. I hate it! I hate being overwhelmed by the fear and the darkness. I hate the thunder and lightning that rage in my head!

It’s all part of the ‘journey’…everyone has their struggles and Friday nights are one of my biggest struggles. You can’t have a hill without a valley – and I’m in a valley right now. I’m just trying to grit my teeth and get through this one…just like the last one…

In the words of the great and powerful therapist: “Another Friday night will come and go, like tonight, and I will continue to hope that you will surf the waves of emotion and thought with patience and compassion. While I remain in "your bucket", I will know that you continue to muster the strength and motivation to stay with your journey and all the uncertainty, fear and anguish that it brings, despite how exhausting it is. I will carry you with me, even when that part of you feels a need to hide and "feel safe". I will continue to encourage you to find the courage to peek in and out of your preferred space to see that I am still around and you can connect with the world on your own terms.”

I personally think she’s much too comfortable in that damn bucket because she is really out of the loop on my ‘sufing’ capabilities….

Tonight, like the Friday nights of past…wake me up when it’s over…wake me up when it’s done…when he’s gone away and taken everything, wake me up…

1 comment:

  1. I understand the Friday thing. Weekends are bad here.