Every night is a nightmare with demons and monsters invading every inch of my body...But every 'day' is a gift

He will stay here, and he will taunt me and he will hurt me. 

And it is as scary and as paimful now as it was then...

But I will deal with it.

Even if it means remaining frozen in this chair until the sun comes up.

I will not "reach" out - or "ask" anyone for anything!!!
Ever!

Trial for Gracie by

I "hope you can understand that these are my limits and boundaries".

I will not ask for "love" or "support" ~ in the face of expected abandonment...I will make the choice to 'deal with it" now - alone!

 I will just sit here - frozen in this hell - until the sun comes up.

But tomorrow morning, when the sun does break in the East- I will once again put on the mask and walk on sunshine.
Tomorrow morning as I walk by the receptionist in the lobby on the way to my office, hiding my bloodshot eyes behind my Kate Spade sunglasses as I carry a grande triple shot latte designed to wake me up from another long night of no sleep...in a business suit and heels, smiling from ear to ear, I will say what I say every morning, "Good morning, Sunshine! I am living the dream! Couldn't be better if I was twins! Every day is a gift!" 

And I will hide behind that mask because it's safe. 

And because I understand that no one will ever accept the Grace behind the mask. 

That's okay - it's all ok....Every day is a gift.... 

Every night is a total nightmare complete with demons and monsters invading every orifice of me...

But every day - every day is a gift 

I was designed more for public than for private, you know.

I am living the American Dream....

Every single day is a gift.