Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Ever try to analyze your therapist?

I am convinced my dear, sweet, caring therapist has been kidnapped and replaced with a cold clinical bitch! It really just happened in the past few months, so I'm thinking of posting a *REWARD* for her return - because me and the new gal ain't working out!

For the past month I have been reading books on therapy and therapeutic approach, cognitive, schema...books on treatments for complex PTSD, BPD, bipolar II.... I've read so much my eyes are permanently blurry (just like my Ts boundaries). And in these books, I can find pieces of what she is doing, and since the alien who has taken over my therapist's body, doesn't believe in open communcication, as my old therapist did - I am left on my own to not only try to heal from the trauma of my past, but also to try to figure out what the hell her treatment plan is!

Her old treatment plan went something like this:
open communication, validation, allow and respond to email and after hours emergency phone calls. Caring and energetic - a genuine warmth. Worked with me to establish trust and very patient with my hesitations and push back. She checked on me after a particularly difficult session and made me relaxation recordings to listen too.

Her new treatement plan seems to be something like this:
Cold and clinical - doesn't return phone calls or allow a session to go 1 minute over. Will no longer respond to email. The caring look in her eyes is gone. She no longer focuses even in session - sometimes gazing out the window and commenting on the sky.

I'm a fairly intelligent, albiet, mentally "defective" woman - the only thing I can think of is she is tired of trying to help me, or she is now implementing these stringent borderline boundaries - where therapists do not speak much in session or try to "help" clients, or respond to their "perceived" emergencies. That they are "present" in the office and because they continue to remain the same no matter what the patient presents in therapy (acting out, anger, etc) that the therapist will become a "constant object" in the borderlines life, just by being "present". Give me a break! I'm not really into paying someone to just sit quietly and say nothing!

I really want to send her an email telling her all of this but then it would sound so BORDERLINE! But if she thinks I'm going to be sitting on her bench on Thursday during my scheduled appointment time, she is WRONG!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Grace, it absolutely hurts when T's change course on us. Mine has done that a time or two. I stopped reading up on therapy, just a suggestion. I was literally breaking in two trying to figure out what my happened to my T.

    I have read some of your posts and it seems like your T doesn't realize her other approach was helping and the proof is the right here and now. Try telling her that and see what happens.

    I'll keep reading your blog touches on many of my feelings/topics.

    Hang in there...you are not alone