Saturday, February 7, 2009


I began therapy (again!) 3 years ago.
And I definately feel validated.
I feel validated that my parents were right.
I am nothing. I don't deserve anything or anyone.
There is no such thing as trust or hope.
I will always be in pain, and (emotionally) alone because that is what I deserve.
I will never know what it feels like to be safe and I will never, ever open myself up to another
individual in the mental health field.
I think that 'initially' she wanted to help me.
I think she saw it as a 'professional challenge'.
But then something changed.... and she must have grew tired, or frustrated,
Which made me frustrated to the point where I just can't do it anymore.
I really appreciate the effort she put into trying to fix the fucked up girl -
and I with the ending could have been different, but I know now that I will never heal.
I'm beyond help - 'terminal' in a mental health kind of way.

But a big thank you to 'dear therapist' for validating my thoughts of 35 years - that I am fucked up, I will never be whole - always fragmented, I will never trust or feel safe. And most importantly, I will never go back into therapy.

I am worse now than I was 3 years ago.

Sad and Lonely,

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