Thursday, April 30, 2009

I desperately need this week to end!

It's been a long time since I have struggled this much in a week. I feel so fragile. I don't know how to let myself exist. The little girls inside of me are angry, hurt, sad, abused~ I don't know how to comfort them. I am exhausted from their constant mantra. I have had a migraine for 3 days. I went to an "emergency" session w/dear therapist (which she was nice to accommodate on an hour notice)...but it didn't seem to help at all. I was so desperate last night. Screaming inside my head ~ I actually went outside, ran down the street in the darkness...away from 'suburbia' and just screamed into the night until I couldn't scream anymore.
I needed DT so badly last night - but she wasn't here. I called her this morning, made an appointment for tomorrow, but I don't even know why. Nothing helps this week, I cannot console them.

Little Gracie desperately wants someone to comfort her.
I don't know how.
She begs, "Someone put their arms around me, please, make me feel comfort, safety. I want someone to wrap their arms around me and wipe away my tears. Hold me close, gently touch my hair and whisper "everything will be alright". Put a band aid on my heart and another on my soul. And promise to help me clean the wound every day until it heals. And when a scar forms, please help me to learn to see it, to touch accept it. And please...ask me to talk about it."

I don't know how to help her ~ and the other girls...I need it to stop.

I need this week to end. I need to find hope again. I can't see it now...


  1. Little Gracie, I am here sitting and listening with you.

    ((((very safe hugs to you))))

    I am glad you made an appt. again for tomorrow to see Dr. T!!!

  2. I once went to a therapist who did a guided meditation type thing to help me "rescue" a younger part. I wrote about it here, if you're interested. It was helpful.

    I'm holding you and the little ones in the light.

  3. JBR~ thank you for being here with me tonight. And the (safe hug) comfort us. The adult Grace is having trouble staying in charge this week. And the little Gracie feels so abandoned and alone.

    Superlagirl, I'm so glad you continue to stop by and comment. I thank you for the light...and I will stop by the post you link above.

    I hope you both have a peaceful night...

  4. Maybe it is time for a new therapist if your not seeing any progress. Just a thought.