Monday, April 27, 2009

I Fold

I cannot even begin to express the feelings of loneliness I have right now!
I feel like it's me all alone in this world, trying to find my way through this hell with no map, no compass.
No one understands. Even tonight, Dear Husband said, "I'm going to bed, you're in a bad mood."


My voice echoes I'm so alone.

Sometimes I feel like I'm already dead and this is "hell".

I wish someone, anyone could understand! But no one does. I'm not "allowed" to have feelings that go against what society thinks I should feel. And I'm exhausted all the time trying to keep the lid on the box...holding it on tightly so it doesn't explode.

I don't want to play anymore...not w/DBTC, PDOC or DT.
I just want to stop. I need it all to stop.
And I need to to stop now.
I fold!
*Grace gets up from the table, leaves her chips behind and walks away*


  1. I have an award waiting for you in the post "Just Be Real Award." Come by and take of it dear one!

  2. When I am in a bad mood, the wisest thing that my husband could do is to stay out of my way and after 36 years together you would think he would know that but he doesn't always. I do know that feeling of being so alone and feeling unloved. I think many abuse survivors know that feeling. I also know what it is like to feel like you are a pressure cooker or a volcano about to explode over the nearest person. I did that for years. When you feel that way, do things to love yourself. You can meet your own needs. Nobody else knows what you need as well as you do. Writing is one of the best things that I can do when I am in a bad space. Let someone else love you until you can love yourself.

  3. Dear One, you asked could some one help you post the award on your blog. Hannah, was kind enough to post the walk through steps. Hope this helps:

    1) Open NOTEBOOK (a program on your computer). Don't use a regular word processor (Like Word) because the html (or code) and those programs don't like each other!

    2) Copy the code Just Be Real has in the box that was made under the award image. Paste it into your notebook program.

    3) Open your blogger site, and go to layout tab If you wish to add to your layout of the blog

    4) Click Add Gadget for the section you would like to add it to. Click HTML/JavaScript option, and paste your html on the large section. Save it!

    5) YOU should be sitting pretty NOW!

    ---If you just want to add to post only? Cut and paste code into your post, and you should be FINE!

  4. The occasional explosion doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Just keep breathing.

  5. Blessings to you dear one! Hope you are doing better! Thinking about you!