Thursday, July 2, 2009

Um...are you building a fortress???

DH believes in the , "Early to bed & Early to Rise..." theory. I, however, like many survivors, have horrible sleep patterns. It's a constant struggle to talk myself into going to bed, then try to feel safe enough to actually fall asleep, and then getting the voices to stop - the crying, the yelling, the fighting, then staying asleep, then dealing with the nightmares, and finally, trying to get up in the morning.

DH does not struggle with any of the above, and if we happen to go to bed at the same time, he can, and has, fallen asleep in the middle of what I think, a very engrossing conversation. And the man does not wake up until the early morning bird chirps gleefully outside the bedroom window.

Last night, however, played out a bit differently...I suspect because it was storming. At first, the night was like any other night...DH went to bed on time...the kiddies were tucked in and it was just the dog and me left awake in the dark. The nightly "ritual of Grace" ensued...and I went into the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, I began the "2nd ritual of Grace" - where I have to organize my 7 pillows, ensure the blankets and comforter are *just so*, turn on the alarm, grab my stuffed bear (don't ask) and then settle down for the next round of "disregulation" and checking off the things on the self soothe list, hoping to finally succumb to the seroquel and drift off into nightmare land.

As I was organizing my pillows, DH stirred, I think because of the thunder, and said to me, "Good grief, are you making a fortress?"

And I told him, "Yes, it makes me feel a bit safer and helps me to fall asleep when I'm surrounded by 8 pillows, a sheet, 2 blankets and a comforter." And suddenly, in the middle of my sentence, a pillow fell off the side of the bed, and onto the floor. So I had to get up and start all over which point, DH, in his groggy state, found the humor to say, "Pillow overboard! Call out the national guard!".

Isn't he cute when he's sleepy....

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