I spend all day ~ every single day~ attending to the needs of others! Work demands...there's always a fire to put out, 250 people to deal with, each having his/her own special 'need' or demand that must be met, no matter what.
"Grace, they don't understand, they take advantage of me, I need your support."
"Grace, I realize this isn't much time, but can you pull this together by Friday?"
"Grace, I understand they made a mistake, but can you just correct it?"
"Grace, I know I've been here a year and still have NO idea what I'm doing...but can you have someone provide training ~ I need your help!"
"Grace, can you please do *this* for me, my child is sick, I received some bad news, I just need a favor, you're the 'favorite' - he listens to you....." and on and on and on...
"Mommy, can I have some more milk."
"Mommy, can you help me find my toothbrush"
"mommy, can you...mommy, can you...mommy, can you..."
No one says, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Just ignore me, as though I'm no longer here.
Dear husband goes to bed, falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, while I stay up, take ativan after ativan...wash down a couple of seroquel with a glass or two of wine...just pray for it to END! All of it!
I've known since I was 5 years old that I was born to serve others. My needs don't matter ~ most days I try to forget that I even have needs. Of course, thank you DT for reminding me that it's "okay" to feel, and to have needs ~ because that actually hurts even worse! Actually feeling "needy" for a minute but no one gives a shit!
Because I'm DONE!
Je suis fait!
and...in the white trash language I grew up with:
FUCK IT! I'm finished!
I never mattered, I am worth nothing....that's the way it's always been, that's the way it is now, and how it will always be...if there's nothing to look forward to in the future, but more of the same, I say, why bother?
No one would notice my absence....well, until they needed something.