I don't think you're an addict, but you should be careful, because the potential is there

WHAT?
A little snapshot of my family history:
My mother is an alcoholic
My biological father (who I never met) is an alcoholic
My stepfather- you guessed it! Alcoholic until the day he died (may he burn in hell)

This part of my past is not a secret…

I am always honest with DT and PDOC about how much I drink…which tends to increase as my anxiety depression increases – and decrease when I’m in a better place, emotionally….that, apparently, like this process of ‘healing’ is cyclical.

Yesterday, ‘on the couch’ I told DT that I feel like I’ve been taking Ativan like they’re lifesavers. And that statement made me take pause. This is the second PDOC who has prescribed Ativan for me. The first Doc was a whack-job and I didn’t take it for months…however, in the last year, it occurred to me that taking it couldn’t possibly hurt worse than the pain I was already feeling, and maybe it might help. Several months ago, I mentioned to PDOC that the ativan didn’t seem to be working as well as it had in the past. So she prescribed Klonopin. At that time, she told me, that I was NOT to drink alcohol when taking the klonopin. But she knew that I was drinking with the ativan. The script on the bottle says, 1mg, Q6, as needed. I don’t take it during the day, but do take it in the evening in an effort to head of the disruptive, needy, child…and the angry, suicidal teenager.

Now, I’m neither an MD or a PhD~ head shrink…but I do know that ativan is addictive. And I also know that if taken with alcohol (which I have admitted I do to BOTH DT and PDOC) it can have adverse affects – and yet no one seems concerned. Even better than that ~ my prescription drug plan signed me up to receive a 90 day supply at one time!

In what world does that make sense?

QUESTIONS
Why would a doctor prescribe a highly addictive medication to someone with my family history?
Why would a doctor prescribe a drug that can be harmful/fatal when taken with alcohol when that patient admits she takes the meds with alcohol?
Why would a drug company send a 90 day supply to someone with my med history, and admission of suicidal thoughts nearly every day?

Do they all just want to see me live up to my "full potential"?

…And I’m the one in “therapy”