Wednesday, July 29, 2009

In Preperation for your (well deserved) vacation...

Dear DT,
I was thinking- before your vacation- we should talk about something really painful- that way I can be completely f-d up when you’re "unavailable" for a week!!! I think that would be best, especially right now- when I want to slam my fucking head into the wall!!! And I just might! (Still trying to pull it together from Monday’s session)

Of course I could just increase the booze & the ativan…and I can certainly watch a few videos of the DBT Flying Nun…and that should “relax” me.

Yes, DT, I hear that you *recognize* my struggle and *understand* that I will have thoughts of suicide. And as long as I don’t ACT on those thoughts~ all is well. Thinking about it: okay…
Coming up with a plan: not okay!
Following through on a plan: Therapy interfering!

I recognize that you have a right to a vacation…and mountain climbing (with no cell phone coverage) sounds like a blast! And I’m sorry that I’m having such a difficult time coping right now… and am such a high maintenance inconvenient psycho these days.

But I promise on the *host body’s* life that I will not do anything permanent while you’re away…(and, as you know, she means the world to me!) so please don’t threaten to slap my ass in the psych ward to “keep me safe” while you’re away.

And for God’s sake, don’t you dare slip and fall off a cliff~ because we both know how much I “depend” on you!

“Mindfully Yours”
Gracie & the rest of us...

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