Saturday, January 23, 2010

Last night felt like a Friday. But it's been a bad week, so maybe it wasn't really...

Last night wasn’t Friday was it? I know Fridays are really bad for me, but this past week, every night has been bad. But last night couldn’t have been Friday because I did not get an email from the therapist –and the therapist ALWAYS emails on Fridays (well, when she doesn’t forget –which has now happened 2x this month). But maybe last night wasn’t really Friday because I only remember about 10 minutes of the night anyway. And those 10 minutes are sort of sporadic and not really a “whole” picture of the happenings of last night. Which is probably a good thing – since the 10 minutes I do remember are not pleasant, and when I woke up at 3:34am in the basement, sans clothing and freezing cold, I tried to put more together but it just isn’t there. It felt like Friday but as I said, it’s been a bad week, so maybe it wasn’t really.

I haven't eaten or slept in days. I called in sick to work Thurs and Fri because I could not bear to leave the house....and it looks as though today will be more of the same. I am so tired of all of this. I can barely move right now. But I'm not "calling" out for help…It doesn't matter anymore. 

4 comments:

  1. How did you land in the basement at that hour without clothing??

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  2. I could only tell you about the 10 minutes I remember...

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  3. Is it ok if I ask you about the 10 minutes you remember?

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  4. Yes, it is okay. It has to do with my past abuse and my reliving the abuse now...sometimes literally - sometimes only in my mind. Friday night - it was literal. There's more...but it's kinda graphic as it relates to sex and abuse. I don't post that here- typically...but I do have another PW protected blog. If you want to read -email me and I'll give you the PW.

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