Monday, January 18, 2010

Grace, put down the cupcake and no one gets hurt!

I wrote a month or so ago that I have been making myself vomit again.  I had stopped for a few months but now it's back.  I dont' really talk in much detail about the puking to the therapist - like, there are other, more serious things, we discuss each week. 
And then last week, when we were talking about food, she said, "Well, Grace, something's getting in or you would be wasting away in front of me."  OMG!  Did the therapist just call me fat????  And since then the 'Grace is fat' crew is on high alert and anytime I think about food, I hear her.  If I eat something, I hear her.  So now it's even worse!  Yesterday I ate lunch AND dinner - and so I made myself puke 4 times and took 5 laxatives.  And I STILL feel fat and bloated today! 
In my office, there's 1 bathroom that's off the beaten path, and it's a private bathroom.  So I've been making myself vomit at work now too.  And I always take a tooth brush and toothpaste with me - so I can brush my teeth right after.
And the past two weeks I have had horrible acid reflux - I don't know if it's from the puking, or not, but now it's constantly annoying me. It happened before and I became reliant on zantac...I'm trying to remember if it was associated with a previous vomit-attack monster - but I'm not sure....  But it's either that or throat cancer...see, the hypochondriac monster is trying to attack me as well.
And if the therapist thinks I'm fat - that probably means everyone else does too - and just doesn't say anything - that's why I got the adipex from a friend who ordered them on the internet. And bought more laxatives on Saturday.  I don't want to be called Chubs...that's what the SF called me when I was a kid. 


  1. I wouldn't interpret what the therapist said as an accusation of obiesity...

  2. Sometimes therapists don't think and sometimes they strategically piss us off. She did one or the other...

    It's such a hard process and I'm here for you.