I want someone to talk to about how I feel.
I want to talk to someone who knows how I feel, someone who’s felt what I feel, someone who's been in my shoes. Someone who has been here, stood where I am now, someone who can tell me that it will be worth it and that my feelings are normal and that it will be better someday, and when it is, I will want to live. Because right now, I don't really feel that, I don't feel like it will ever be better. And I feel like I will continue to be here, in this place, forever. This place of depression, fear, sadness, worthlessness...anger.... a place no one in my life seems to understand. I don't think anyone understands how much I hate myself. I don't think anyone understand how much it humiliates me and makes me want to hurt myself...or worse.
Maybe no one ever will. Maybe it will never get better - each day seems darker and darker...maybe I will inch inch further and further away...until I disappear altogether...
You may not believe this right now, but I've felt this. I know what you're talking about. And it does get better. That's why the name of my blog, book, website is "Survivors Can Thrive!" I sure have MANY days when I feel I couldn't get any farther away from thriving than I am...but then I have good days, too. I know it can be excruciatingly hard, but DON'T QUIT! You are so worth NOT giving up on.
ReplyDeleteit does get better, before we fled where we were licving life was a constant noose around our neck always thinking is it worth it, but one more day said it was and now we know life is worht it and recovery cna bring freedom. But we understand the pain also
ReplyDeleteSo glad to read this Grace.... helps me also in my journey to see that you too are encouraged....thank you!!!
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