Thursday, June 18, 2009

On the couch, there's: Professional "Grace" & Casual "Grace"

When Grace goes to therapy in "business attire", which is the norm...Grace seems much more resistant to dear therapists suggestions, much more argumentative as though Grace is cross examining DT and questioning each and every move from DT. Professional Grace is very logical and methodical and each thing must make sense and everything must be in it's place.

When DT asks Professional Grace a question that Grace isn't comfortable answering, Grace becomes sarcastic, or gives a "text book" answer, perhaps related to a specific diagnosis, and how "those" people would answer.

Professional Grace doesn't like to cry or talk about anything "difficult", especially if it's related to rape or abuse. If Professional Grace feels the familiar lump in her throat, and her eyes begin to well up, she will immediately look over to the left, at DTs diplomas on the wall, or to the right, where there are many toys and books - and proceed to do math problems in her head in an effort to ward off the tears. (Grace once heard that you cannot be logical and emotional at the same time - and it seems to work pretty well). And apparently, a suit jacket doubles as a deflection jacket and Professional Grace can change the subject faster than superman can change clothes. There are times when Grace can do "real" therapeutic work, despite the professional attire - but those times seem to be the exception, and not the norm.

Casual Grace goes to therapy when Grace is working at home, or sick or on vacation. Casual Grace is much more open to processing things in therapy and will work with dear therapist and not against her. Casual Grace doesn't question DT practices or plan of treatment. Casual Grace dissociates sometimes - and there are times when she seems child-like and unable to focus, or sometimes even hear dear therapist's voice when she speaks to her. Casual Grace is much more meek and fearful than Professional Grace. She will sit on the floor, hug a pillow, and at times, fold herself up into a ball when the conversation goes to a place that feels unsafe and frightening. Casual Grace doesn't feel like a grown up most times. She feels small and needy ~ although she feels safe with DT, the times she dissociates, DTs office becomes scary, the bookshelves seem to be moving, DT feels so far away, her voice distant, as though she is talking through a tunnel. Casual Grace cries easily but still won't allow her face to be seen by DT when she cries. Typically, during a Casual Grace appointment, Grace is exhausted and in need of rest after her appointment.

I'm not sure there's a way to migrate the two.


  1. Gracie, I can understand the two varing Grace's here.

    Sorry I have not been around dear, just at times, which I Know You Can Certainly Understand, I am just not with it.

    Blessings and ((((safe hugs)))) always!!

  2. I count backwards from 100 by sevens. It's a task we ask dementia patients to do to test their attention and memory, but I find it works well to distract me from unpleasant thoughts. Another dementia screen that I use for myself: List as many words I can think of that start with t or s or f.

    But yeah, put me in sweat pants, and I'm a mess.

    Anyway, thinking of you. I really relate a lot to this post.