Sunday, June 7, 2009

Hey Grace ~ Look over here! Grace~ Over here now!

Often times I truly think the only way to even get through the day is to ignore and distract. And I've found that as along as I can stay busy, running from this task to that one, talk to this friend, have a glass of wine with that on this project, paint that room, make a new floral arrangement, paint my daughter's nails, watch my son play baseball. BUSY, BUSY, BUSY! All is well.
The key, I've found, is to keep moving and never sit still. Because once I sit still, it all comes rushing back. And if I'm not in a 'safe contained environment', such as the comfort of DT's office, I'm at risk of 'dealing' with my 'feelings' in a self-destructive way.

See, everyone has 'feelings' and it's up to 'us' to decide what we do with those 'pesky feelings'. So tonight, after a long weekend of distraction...I sit here, staring at the seroquel on my chair side table...listening to it call my name, "Grace, please take me, it's 9:30, and you know you have to be in bed by 10 to maintain sanity and safety for 'all' of you.
And so the end of the weekend struggle begins...
Defiant one has been quiet all weekend, not one single email to DT expressing her angry feelings - and she is begging to be heard.
Sad one is crying softly in the background, longing to be held and comforted.
And, again, the seroquel is calling, "Grace....if you can get yourself into bed by 10, you will be will keep all of you safe and you will awake tomorrow well rested and and alive! And you can see DT tomorrow - just tell the defiance, angry and sorrowful they can speak their minds tomorrow morning at 10:30. Just take me, Grace. And I will take care of you tonight."

"Ok, mind-altering drug," Grace says, "You win."
"Say goodnight, Gracie, you got through another day. Say Goodnight, and start again tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Gracie."
*Sweet dreams. No nightmares*


  1. Distraction is one of my best friends, too... keeping busy is one of the only ways to get through the day for me. I just want to let you know I'm here and listening.

  2. Distraction is a big part in helping along....but I am also finding out facing and working on the problem also helps. We are all different in our recovery process, so what might not be right for you now, can be right with someone else.

    listening dear one

  3. Grace, I'm so happy you made it to bed on time. :) I love how you said those "pesky feelings," because I never seem to be comfortable with mine, either. After not feeling some of them for several years, it seems really difficult to just go about the business of living WITH them. The one thing I've found that consistently helps (for me) is doing something nice or helpful for someone else.