This afternoon I was driving on this old country road. There was no traffic, with the exception of me and a semi-truck coming toward me in the other lane. I was alone, and I thought maybe I'll just swerve to the left ~ into the path of the truck. How easy it would have been ~ just a few feet to the left. The truck driver wouldn't have time to stop, and there's no question who would prevail in the fight of an 18 wheeler vs a Nissan compact car. And I thought about it. It was tempting.
The initial impact...and then nothing. Just peace and quiet and the lack of pain. No more memories, or fear...no more intense anger and sadness.
Nothing.
Nothing.
I thought about it ~ But I didn't do it.
please don't ever....i think those things too, even when my kids are with me. i think, no one will know, they will think it was an accident. i am so scared...my own worst enemy. why do they have to hurt us so bad.
ReplyDeletescary isn't it - to have these thoughts...I fear sometimes during a dissociative state I will act on one of these- and it will kill me. But I'll keep fighting and hope that doesn't happen.
ReplyDelete~ Grace