Saturday, June 20, 2009

Give Me Strength

This afternoon I was driving on this old country road. There was no traffic, with the exception of me and a semi-truck coming toward me in the other lane. I was alone, and I thought maybe I'll just swerve to the left ~ into the path of the truck. How easy it would have been ~ just a few feet to the left. The truck driver wouldn't have time to stop, and there's no question who would prevail in the fight of an 18 wheeler vs a Nissan compact car. And I thought about it. It was tempting.

The initial impact...and then nothing. Just peace and quiet and the lack of pain. No more memories, or more intense anger and sadness.

I thought about it ~ But I didn't do it.


  1. please don't ever....i think those things too, even when my kids are with me. i think, no one will know, they will think it was an accident. i am so own worst enemy. why do they have to hurt us so bad.

  2. scary isn't it - to have these thoughts...I fear sometimes during a dissociative state I will act on one of these- and it will kill me. But I'll keep fighting and hope that doesn't happen.
    ~ Grace