Saturday, July 3, 2010

Hopelessness meets despair *on the couch*

Sometimes life seems like it’s too much. Everything seems to go wrong at once. This is one of those times. A couple of weeks ago the therapist thought it would be a good idea to dig into some of my *present* day experiences and it has lead to an onslaught of self-destructive behavior and major sui thoughts and I am not coping – at the f**k all. I am overwhelmed with anxiety and chronic sui thoughts and the panic I feel inside of my body and mind have left me unable to sleep, or eat, sometimes even to breathe. I am screaming…but there is no sound. There are parts inside of me screaming and fighting and choking the life out of me and still I cannot speak. I am filled with agony, disgust and self hatred and I don’t know what to do with all of this because I can’t deny it – it rages in me, and I resent it and I try to push it away, but it is still here. The agony of it all makes me fold in half; desperate to become so small I might trick it into believing I am no longer here. There is no end to it – there’s not enough sand in the world to stop this flooding!

LINK:  Hopelessness meets despair *on the couch*