Sunday, August 1, 2010


I have been partying at the flashback fun frolic for just about 2 weeks now. And contrary to what the nun thinks works best I have been unable to distract (dissociate) it all away. And when this happens, there’s no “mindfullness” or “bucket-slinging”…there’s only watching the clock and struggling to getting through each minute. I cannot sweep it under the rug or pretend it doesn’t exist. Unfortunately, neither have I been able to talk about it with my dear sweet therapist because there is always that little voice who questions the trustworthiness during times like these because it was during one of the most vulnerable moments of my life when I was held down and tortured to the point of retraumatization (metaphorically speaking) because of DBT.

Friday night the therapist did not throw DBT darts at me or invalidate or enrage me. Friday night the therapist told me that I was doing better because I wasn’t hurting myself, I wasn’t drinking it away, I wasn’t using other ways to dissociate myself from what I was feeling (which, is the anti-dbt – yes, folks, it is…).  She heard me when I said this is killing me and she didn’t tell me to shut up and the next day I woke up, still tired, still hurting, but with significantly decreased anger, and injury free.

LINK:  must-stop-the-nun