tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post7229666682385029083..comments2023-04-12T08:13:04.539-06:00Comments on Good Enough: Psycho Angry girl uses the "F" word 10x in each sentence...so if you find that offensive, I would suggest you not read this...Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00432157510458184788noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-67635814630938363902009-09-07T08:41:47.769-06:002009-09-07T08:41:47.769-06:00OMG! I do the exact same thing!!!! PAG does that ...OMG! I do the exact same thing!!!! PAG does that too! It got so bad that a few months DT and I made a 'verbal' agreement in session that she will not cancel my appt if PAG does it angrily via email or VM (AT NIGHT) - and if I don't show then I pay. She will only cancel if "I" the rational one calls to do so... since PAG only does it out of anger, and yes, it does make the crying worse for the kid.<br />And I wonder the same thing every single night...every night I feel like I can't take another minute.Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432157510458184788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-71431739430417409372009-09-07T01:43:36.736-06:002009-09-07T01:43:36.736-06:00It makes me mad, too. Sometimes it makes me think ...It makes me mad, too. Sometimes it makes me think the whole therapy thing is a giant crock of shit. What I hate most, is that when Rambo gets really pissed - I (he) end(s) up quitting therapy, usually with some very profane and horrible hate mail. Then the child goes ballistic until she gets her 'mother' back. I feel helpless to stop it from happening. I don't lose time, I can't escape the knowledge that I was *there* when the hate mail was written, but it's like this other way of thinking just took over my brain and swept me away. Then the child does the same thing to me when she goes to get her mother back! It makes me feel like a raving lunatic. Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore.Ethereal Highwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01120557764517618673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-12907551512856575242009-09-06T22:55:34.820-06:002009-09-06T22:55:34.820-06:00You know what I really think? I think that we (th...You know what I really think? I think that we (the traumatized untrusting) enter into this "therapeutic relationship" and it's all 'chit-chat' because we don't trust enough to talk. After a year of therapy w/DT, she finally asked me, "Don't you get tired of being so fake?" - like she was bored. Then she went way the fuck overboard to get us to trust her...like emailing and asking if we were okay. If we made the slightest notion of "feeling unastable" she would be quick to offer an appointment. One time she actually met me at her office in 20 minutes of a call! Hell would fucking freeze over before that would happen now! <br />It's almost like this fucking adreneline rush of "I have to help her...." kicked in - and then she would "offer" and "be there" and suddenly...after 2 years, ah...trust was won. And by that point, DT was in over her head and the child demanded too much time and attention, and she was in a new relationship (which, she told me, he had no internet service at his house - so she couldn't be avail - whatever!) - I wanted to say, "I'm sorry, is that your brain talking, or another part of your anatomy?" - and then suddenly she's too busy in her new 'relationship' but the 5 year old can't "grasp" that. All she sees is that DT abandoned her for a man...when she needed her. So now PAG can't let it go - because she has to listen to the fucked up kid whine and cry - when DT used to comfort her. And it's overwhelming! She didn't fucking teach me to do it - she did it -and then she stopped and I'm left holding the piss bucket trying to deal with the fucking whore who can't figure it out! And I fucking hate her for that!!! <br />And the same thing happens to me, as you described above, as soon as DT will say something that triggers a memory, something that makes the 5 year old cry - then suddenly, the dissocation starts and as much as the 5 year old wants to talk to DT - she isn't allowed. She can think it, I can hear her, but she can't speak it aloud. Yeah, I get what you're saying when you say it leaves you in a bind. <br />Because after I leave the office, or late that night, all of the overwhelming shit that wouldn't be dealt with surfaces - and of course DT isn't avaialable - and so PAG kicks in and kicks 5 year olds ass - SHUT UP! NO ONE CARES!<br />I don't know...I wish I did- <br />DON'T FUCKING OFFER SOMETHING YOU CAN'T FOLLOW THRU ON! That's what I say!<br />We aren't fucking "science" projects!<br />We're fucking people! MANY people in 1 fucking body - we've been fucked enough! WE don't need YOU to fuck us too!<br />GOD! It makes me so fuxking mad!!!!!Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432157510458184788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-86076954864351813912009-09-06T21:11:14.341-06:002009-09-06T21:11:14.341-06:00Mine cries for the therapist, too. She thinks he&#...Mine cries for the therapist, too. She thinks he's her mother. I'm not sure she even gets that he's a guy. And I can certainly understand how your girl feels abandoned by the therapist after she changed the rules like that. And I totally get PAG being pissed. Rambo is pissed, too. That's why he acts like a bit of an ass sometimes to the therapist. My therapist did a similar thing as yours. He kept appointments with me on the phone while he was on a vacation once because I was going through a crisis. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to be a good therapist then because he was stressed out and really needed that vacation. I had no idea - I only knew that I had been hijacked by a twenty-four year old rape and was losing my marbles. The whole appointment went wrong and it was very traumatizing. He said some things that were very contrary to what I believed to be his attitude about therapy. It changed things for the worse. I started living in fear of remembering lest he hate us, just like the real mother did. Rambo thinks the same as PAG. If we wouldn't have trusted and depended on someone, then it couldn't have happened. Rambo is nearly phobic at the prospect of letting the therapist help when the memories come around. Sometimes it leaves me in a real bind.Ethereal Highwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01120557764517618673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-88906949817595774372009-09-06T20:25:53.414-06:002009-09-06T20:25:53.414-06:00yeah...you're right, we do....
I can relate to...yeah...you're right, we do....<br />I can relate to your 'beer/lighter' reach...<br />I have the same attachment to wine/vodka/razor...<br /><br />I know she wants someone to listen, to understand, but she can't talk to DT about it. No one will let her. And she won't shut up with her cries for DT. The problem she has is that for 2 years, DT would 'console' her nightly (and I am NOT exaggerating). Sometimes email @ 1am so she felt safe. <br />But then DT started a "new relationship" and no longer had time for her - and then the little girl felt abandoned all over again. And now PAG is so pissed off because she trusted DT, she knew better! And DT abandoned her for a MAN! Talk about fucking retraumatizing!<br />But if she wouldn't have trusted DT, or grown dependent on DT, then PAG wouldn't be so mad at her!<br />(that sounds so fucked up! - but it's my reality)Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432157510458184788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-44559266566358027002009-09-06T20:18:58.362-06:002009-09-06T20:18:58.362-06:00I wonder if there is something, whether provided b...I wonder if there is something, whether provided by PAG or someone else, that could help the girl and then she will have less distress? Maybe the girl wants something. It seems that she wouldn't cry unless there was something she wanted from someone. This is what I am trying to figure out right now for my very similar situation. The only thing I have come up with so far is...<br />1. She wants me to know what happened to her.<br />2. She wants some kind of comfort or for someone to somehow make it stop. <br /><br />Of course, I don't have all the answers or I would be better off myself. But maybe you have some ideas about what things the girl wants in your situation. The only thing that helps mine much is to try to convince her that this is not the grandparents' house, and not the parents' house. I tell her that the father is dead, the grandparents are very old and far away, and we have left the mother. Sometimes I have to lock myself in the bedroom and wrap up in a quilt, or even get in the closet (that's where she used to hide). Then I repeat to her over and over the date, including the year, and I repeat the town and state where we live. It takes a long time and it doesn't always help, but that's all I've got for now (unless I resort to some beer and a lighter).<br /><br />I hate this, too, Grace. We deserve better. We weren't the ones who did this to ourselves.Ethereal Highwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01120557764517618673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-5906564680359167922009-09-06T20:07:51.994-06:002009-09-06T20:07:51.994-06:00psycho angry girl? no - she is trying to kill her...psycho angry girl? no - she is trying to kill her, the 5 year old. She hates her neediness, her whiny cry-baby shit, and her memories...<br />There's no cohesiveness.Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432157510458184788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-36944247078108560002009-09-06T20:05:34.328-06:002009-09-06T20:05:34.328-06:00So then it is PAG's job to stop it? She's ...So then it is PAG's job to stop it? She's trying to help?Ethereal Highwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01120557764517618673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-49180775668869353932009-09-06T20:00:06.791-06:002009-09-06T20:00:06.791-06:00...because she remembers...and she makes us relive......because she remembers...and she makes us relive it night after night...in body, in sight, in fear, in dreams.<br />It never stops.<br />She has to stop itGracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00432157510458184788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4134631784318235978.post-51392344903400140192009-09-06T19:52:59.537-06:002009-09-06T19:52:59.537-06:00Sometimes I think therapists are too naive to unde...Sometimes I think therapists are too naive to understand why 'containers' are a load of garbge. Why is PAG angry at the girl instead of at the man whore?Ethereal Highwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01120557764517618673noreply@blogger.com